The Umbrella Academy in: Drowning lessons
by Atlas Arrow
Summary: Takes place after "Dallas". Overcome with guilt from the destruction caused by the White Violin Vanya dies in her room. The Umbrella Academy struggles to come to terms with thier own guilt over the manner of her death, especially the Kraken. Kraken/Vanya
1. Chapter 1: Cancer

_**A/N:** I never have and never will own The Umbrella Academy. Shame really._

_And bury me in all my favorite colors_

_My sisters and my brothers, still_

_I will not kiss you,_

_Because the hardest part of this_

_Is leaving you_

Vanya took a deep breath. Now or never, do or die. Well, in this case it was do and die. She looked sadly at the bottle of pills in her left hand. It was odd to think that human life was so delicate that it could be extinguished by such small tablets. Taking another deep breath she mentally prepared herself.

Ever since her family had saved the world from Hazel and Cha-Cha she had been able to move a little more each day. At first she'd contemplated telling someone and maybe getting some physical therapy. She'd actually looked forward to walking, perhaps even going outside and seeing the sunlight. Everything around her seemed dark or artificial.

But time went by and she decided against it. There was something else that she needed to do. Vanya had thought about it for a very long time and had come up with a plan. During the long lonely hours she had tried to move more and more until she had almost complete control of her body. So here she was, capable of getting out of bed, of walking across the house silently, and perfectly capable of getting medication.

Using her right hand she smoothed out the dress she had picked out. Perhaps she was being overdramatic, picking her clothes before her time. But it had seemed only right in a way. Leave as little trouble behind her as possible. That was how she planned to do it. In that at least her death would be the complete opposite of her life.

There would be no mess. Many long nights had been spent contemplating on how to do it best. She'd contemplated wrist slitting and hanging herself. Once, when she thought she'd never be able to move fast enough, she'd considered biting her tongue and drowning in her own blood.

In the end she was too scared of the pain. She wasn't a sadist, or at least she thought she wasn't. It was difficult to tell when you remembered so little of your past. Finally she had decided on the medication. Vanya would simply go to sleep and never wake up.

It wasn't as though she'd be missed. They could use her room for something else, something useful. Tears pricked her eyes slightly. Her free hand moved behind her head and felt the still-healing scar. What kind of person had she been before the bullet to destroy so much and make her siblings hate her? All that she had were shadowy memories of being a lonely child. That wasn't enough to make her do what she had done though. Or perhaps it was.

Her eyes slid over to the note on the table. That had been another thing she had taken care of. There would be a note, so they wouldn't need to bother themselves with an investigation. Vanya had thought about the matter with a lot of thought and planned it out in vivid detail. The letter had been the hardest thing though. How do you apologize for something you don't even remember?

She had kept it short. Just a few lines had been scrawled with a blunt pencil on an old sheet of notebook paper and folded once. Part of her was guilty about not making the note longer. But then she had simply shrugged it off. There wasn't really anything for her to say to them.

After awhile she had written another one. This one she doubted anyone but he would find. It was meant for him after all. If she'd made a mistake then there wasn't any real reason to be afraid of causing offence. A sigh escaped her lips. Everything was in place and it was all decided. All she had to do now was use the pills. But still she lingered.

There was no doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing. It would be better for everyone if she did this. She would be free from the raised voices, the dirty looks, and the cold shoulders. But most of all she would be free from the guilt that stabbed her mind every waking moment. It would've been better if she knew exactly what she had done. But she didn't. Vanya wasn't sure that she even really wanted to know anymore. Peace was all she wanted, and the pills would give her that.

Gripping the bottle tightly she got up from her chair. She planned on using the entire bottle, just to be safe. Flipping open the lid she spilled the pills into her waiting hand. Their whiteness made them barely visible against the skin of her hand. Had she always been this pale? No, it was time to concentrate. She just had to get it over with. For the last time Vanya looked around what was basically her whole world in that room. One more tear rolled down her eye before she gulped. In the silence of her room Vanya took the last step towards peace.


	2. Chapter 2: Dead!

_I'll be here wondering did you get what you deserve?  
The ending of your life  
And if you get to heaven I'll be here waiting, babe  
Did you get what you deserve?_

The Rumor was the one who found her the very early the next morning. She'd been watching TV when she thought that she'd heard a noise from Vanya's room. At first she'd hoped that someone else would get it. But as time went on she realized that everyone else was probably asleep. Rumor bit her lip irritably. If Vanya had managed to hurt herself while being paralyzed, then Rumor would be very impressed indeed.

So she'd gotten up and headed into Vanya's room. Everything looked normal. Vanya was in bed. And at first she'd thought that Vanya was asleep or at least pretending to be. Ever since Rumor had shown her the damage she had done Vanya had been making sure not to have to communicate with her. That really wasn't a big deal to her though. It wasn't like Rumor had ever wanted her company anyways.

If she hadn't seen the letter then she would've just left the room. But when Rumor saw the letter on her dresser an odd feeling had clenched her gut. She'd walked over to Vanya's still form and shook her once. When she didn't respond Rumor did it harder. Finally she ran to go get someone, anyone.

The first person she'd run into was the Séance. It was no surprise. He didn't sleep, just ate speed. Quickly she wrote down on her notepad;

"I think Vanya's dead."

Séance had looked at her stupidly for a few minutes.

"Of course she's in bed," he said vaguely, "She's paralyzed."

Irritably Rumor had circled 'dead' on her notepad. She shoved it in his face and he recoiled. He looked at her expression and shrugged. Then he removed his sunglasses and peered in for a closer look.

His eyebrows furrowed and he'd gone to get Spaceboy. At first he'd been incredulous as well, and more then a little apathetic. Spaceboy had said that it was highly unlikely for her to be so. She'd been quite stable the night before after all. Rumor had insisted though and he had agreed to follow her. Séance had kept a certain distance from them and looked puzzled.

Spaceboy had confirmed Rumor's original diagnosis and they had simply stared at what had once been their sister. Indeed she looked as though she was only sleeping, curled up like that.

"How would she have died?" Spaceboy asked, looking strangely at her.

Rumor gestured to the letter on the side table. Scrawled in pencil were the words 'To The Hargreeves.' His eyebrows raised and he unfolded it slowly. Séance looked over Spaceboy's shoulder to read the words.

_Dear Siblings,_

_I know I've done something wrong. I can only suppose from what you've told me that it was something terrible. A few hasty guesses suggest that I'm responsible for Allison being mute and the death of a friend of the family. Saying that I'm sorry just doesn't seem to cut it if I did those things. But I am, more then words can express. Where I'm going, I doubt that I'll cause you any more trouble. _

_Vanya_

It was hard to evaluate their feelings. For the past few months all Rumor had done was hate Vanya for stealing her voice. She'd sought her petty revenge in any way that she could. The stunt with the monitors had given her particular satisfaction. Being able to leave her trapped in a room with destruction she caused made Rumor feel almost comforted. But she had never quite imagined Vanya dead as much as she had wished it. She had never imagined that Vanya would have the faculties or the capability to kill herself.

Spaceboy didn't really know what to feel either. He'd been angry at Vanya and had never been close to her when they were children. The event down town hadn't exactly warmed his feelings towards her. He'd been content to just leave their relationship at a strictly distant level. He looked at the letter, scanning over it more then once. It was only a few lines, written with all signs of sincerity.

Séance didn't really care. To him it mattered very little whether anyone was alive or dead. Of course, if they were dead then they wouldn't talk to him unless he wanted them to. Not that Vanya had ever been very talkative. That had been her best quality. Still, her death filled him with one concern, one that he voiced immediately.

"So, any volunteers to tell Kraken?"


	3. Chapter 3: Helena

_And what's the worst you take  
from every heart you break  
And like the blade you stain  
Well I've been holding on tonight_

The Kraken had just finished going on patrol when his communicator rang. Night was still clinging to the city at 2:30 a.m, and as always he planned to get out of there before the sun went up. It was easier to be unseen that way. Darkness could always veil you, and he had never been afraid of it as a child. You couldn't be when Sir bloody Reginald Hargreeves was your father.

The communicator rang once more. He snorted in disgust. Spaceboy had talked him into wearing one, despite the fact that he still hated the not-so-fat-anymore monkey. He let it ring for awhile more before flipping it open. Irritably he said;

"Who is it?"

"Number five," said .05 shortly on the other end of the communicator.

"What do you want?" he said, looking down on the city from the old tenement building he was perched on.

It wasn't a very good view. The city was grimy as always and it was easy to see at least five people who could be petty criminals. But there were never enough police cars on patrol. Of course there was always him, and any member of the Umbrella Academy who cared to answer the call.

"I'll be brief," .05 said, "Vanya's gone."

Kraken's grip on his communicator grew unsteady.

"What?"

"She swallowed a bottle of medication a few hours ago, probably around one or two from the looks of it. We think that she stole it from our emergency stash. Apparently she'd been lying about how much she could move."

A sense of unreality enveloped him like a fog. It was a good thing that he didn't need to breath or he'd have died minutes ago.

"How do you know that?" he said, his voice growing fainter with each word.

"She left a note. I think that you'd better get back over here or-"

But Kraken didn't hear anymore. He switched the communicator off and it fell out of his hand onto the roof with a thunk. He had no idea how long he sat out there, staring out into space as though trying to find the answer to a complex riddle. But when the sun came up and illuminated the city he still didn't know the answer.

He left shortly after that. His brain wasn't quite communicating with the rest of him. When a tenant would come out to smoke later they'd notice a damp spot on the concrete railing. It was like someone had laid their head on it and cried.

.

.

.

Kraken read and reread the letter. Each time part of him said that it wasn't real and that this wasn't happening. Then he would look over at the still form on the bed and the empty pill bottle to be reminded that it was. He set the letter back on the table and walked over to the side of the bed she was facing.

The rest of his siblings had decided to clear the room. It was a good thing. If Rumor was there he probably would have slashed her face to go with her throat. He'd had suspicions about what, or rather who, had happened with the monitors when he'd found her. But he hadn't suspected that would cause this. Nothing could've prepared him for it.

He crouched down by the side of the bed that she was facing. Kraken looked at her perfectly relaxed face, just like a picture of Sleeping Beauty he'd seen in a book long ago. Vanya really did look as though he could wake her up with ease. One of her hands was curled up by her face just like she'd slept on the road when they were children. The other hand had been shoved under her pillow.

Actually that was odd. She never used to do that. He traced the pathway of her hand where it fanned out under her pillow. Under her palm another letter waited. He stared at it for a minute, and then slid it out from under her hand. Kraken shuddered for a moment when his hand brushed up against her skin, as cold now as it was pale.

Turning the letter from side to side he examined it carefully. It was addressed to him. The name 'Diego' had been scrawled uncertainly on the front. She hadn't called him that in many years. But then again, the last time they had talked was a very long time ago. After unfolding it he read;

_Dear Diego,_

_I wish I could remember you more then I do. All I can remember is when we were ten years old. We were quite close then. Perhaps things have changed. But I think that they haven't. After all, you check on me when you think I'm asleep. Maybe I'm mistaken though. I never did have the courage to say anything. But whether or not you hate me, I think that you deserve something separate from the others, at least for the sake of what we once were._

_Here's a goodbye for you Diego, the only person I considered family. I'm sorry if I hurt you like I did Allison somehow. If what I'm going to do hurts as well, then I'm sorry. But I think it would be better for everyone if I ceased to exist._

_Vanya_

He stared blankly at the letter for a few minutes. Then he crumpled it in his hand, wanting it to disappear, wanting the whole situation to disappear. But no mater how small a ball he crumpled it into it didn't turn the clock back. It didn't make life flow back into the body and it sure as hell didn't refill the bottle.

_If this hurts, then I'm sorry._

**If **it hurts? It hurt like hell, more then anything that he'd ever felt. Nothing in his life prepared him for this pain. Not being abandoned by that bastard he'd once called father, not watching his brother die. Vanya politely committing suicide was the worst thing he'd ever felt, the knowledge of the event and what he could've done to prevent it eating its way through him like acid. A few tears started to slip down his eyes.

The sun had been shining cheerfully when he'd come in. How dare it do that? How dare it do that when she was dead, left for the worms to eat? His mask was now drenched in tears. Not even bothering to untie the knot he wrenched it off. He'd hated that mask as a child and hated it still. Pulling his arm back he threw it across the room. Then he cried, as himself, maskless, for the first time in years.


	4. Chapter 4: I'm not okay

_To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!  
I'm not okay!  
I'm not okay!_

That night Kraken went out on patrol. His better instincts had told him not to. Generally he listened to them but he couldn't stand to that night. Something had to be done to get him out of the house and this was it. This was what he did; this was what he'd always done. It didn't take him a long time to find the trouble that he was looking for.

Inspector Lupo was already on the scene with about fifteen cop cars. Kraken met him behind an alley when he'd had time.

"What's the situation?" Kraken had asked.

"Hostages. One of them's the mayor's daughter," the inspector had replied while he lit another cigarette.

"Not again."

"They're using human shields so we figured it was best to wait for you to arrive. They've told us that they've already killed a few of the cashiers who resisted. Megaphones are just too common here. Right now we're just waiting to be your clean-up crew here," continued Lupo.

"Good," he nodded, looking the building up and down.

He quickly started to analyze the building, noting possible exits/entrances. It would be fairly easy. All that was required was a bit of acrobatic skills. Once he was done he turned back to Lupo. To his surprise Lupo was staring at him as though he were a different species.

"What?" he snapped.

Inspector Lupo hesitated for a moment.

"I heard about your sister. I'm sorry."

An icy tone etched its way into Kraken's question.

"Who told you?"

"Your brother. The little one."

"Just perfect. How long do you think you can keep it out of the papers?" asked Kraken flatly.

"Excuse me?"

"I want her to have a private funeral. No media attention for a while. When Hargreeves died reporters were crawling all over the place. If not for the gates then we would've had to beat them back. I don't want that. Not this time."

"I can't make you any guarantees here," replied Lupo, "I can probably only hush it up for three or four days at best. Nothing more than that."

"That'll be fine."

An explosion from the building diverted them from their conversation. Lupo turned to Kraken to say something but he was already gone. Sighing Lupo thought guiltily about the file in the locked compartment of his desk. He shook off the feeling and moved back to the bulk of the police cars.

Meanwhile Kraken was already scaling the walls. It was easy enough. Every criminal in the city had tried to rob the bank at one point or another. He had stopped being surprised that they never bothered to add new security measures. Why spend money when the Umbrella Academy would save things for you?

There was a window near the roof that he managed to get into easily. He crept through the upper level and looked down on the lower one. It wasn't easy with the oversized chandelier, but he still got a decent look. Kraken counted about eight men with Uzis and at least fifteen hostages. The mayor's daughter was the only calm one. Why shouldn't she be? She knew she would always get rescued. She was practically a veteran to the hostage business. That man really did need to stop losing his daughter.

He leaned down and strained his ears to hear what they were talking about. Apparently the explosion had been set off to scare the police. A few of the robbers were high fiving each other. Stupid crooks. He actually recognized a few of them from previous crimes. How many times did he have to put someone behind bars before they actually stayed that way?

A fairly straight forward plan formulated in his mind. Cut the chandelier and then get them from behind when they were surprised. For the most part it always worked. He gave the chandelier a quick once over. It was on a chain, not a rope. That meant that he would have to unhook it before it could fall. Cutting it would've been so much easier. But that was just a slight complication.

He jumped quickly onto it from the railing and on top of it. As usual no one ever looked up. He started to unhook it slowly. Kraken gave a cursory glance down to make sure that nothing had changed. At first it seemed that nothing had. Then from the corner of his eye he saw her.

A woman was being dragged from one part of the room. She had been shot in the head, from the looks of it hours ago. The woman wore the bank's uniform, now splattered with blood. It didn't take a genius to guess that she'd been one of the cashiers who had resisted. The robbers were dragging the body out of the corner, one of them complaining loudly about the smell.

When the man switched his hands the body shifted slightly. From the new angle he could see that the woman had short dark brown hair. Thinking back on it she really hadn't looked anything like Vanya. The only thing they had in common was their haircut. Be that as it may, something in his head still clicked.

Kraken couldn't even remember what happened later. When he tried to explain himself to Lupo he found himself helplessly inarticulate. According to witness reports he read he had jumped down from the chandelier. Then he had proceeded to butcher every single robber. Some of them had been stabbed sixteen times when the autopsy was performed.

Pictures of the crime scene showed blood on the walls and over several terrified witnesses. Several doctors said that the people didn't even really look human anymore after the attack. Reporters would later compare it to .05's fights at the racetrack and the diner. Sloppier, they admitted, though it was still as merciless and just as brutal. But he couldn't remember doing any of that.

Nor could he remember standing there for several minutes just staring at their corpses. He couldn't even remember suddenly climbing back up to the second story as several witnesses had said. Kraken supposed that he had run out of the fire escape, even though he couldn't remember that either. Not only that but he couldn't even remember the journey home. All he could remember was a pale form on a bed, curled up like she was sleeping. That and the two words: _I'm sorry_.


	5. Chapter 5: Cemetary Drive

_Way down, mark the grave  
Where the search lights find us  
Drinking by the mausoleum door  
And they found you on the bathroom floor!_

True to his word Lupo had kept his mouth shut about Vanya's death. Still there was a fair amount of curiosity coming from the media. Questions were being asked about what happened at the bank. It had undoubtedly been the Kraken, but he'd never been known to use that much unnecessary violence. But no members of the Umbrella Academy were saying anything. For that and that alone was Kraken grateful for.

The fact that all of them had attended to funeral was something. Rumor had slunk behind Spaceboy, probably hoping that he would attract attention away from her. At least she had the sense to look embarrassed and a tad ashamed. Nothing had ever truly been able to shake Spaceboy and Vanya's suicide was no exception. 'Mother' had the same look of manufactured sadness she'd had on at the last funeral. .05 had the same look as he always did and Séance looked like he'd been taking too many drugs again.

Unlike Hargreeves Vanya hadn't stipulated how she wanted them to dress for her funeral. Everyone had defaulted to black in the end. Good old reliable black. Even Kraken's usual uniform was obscured by a black trench coat. Séance had simply come in his normal clothes. As he had once said, everything he owned was black.

Due to it being an almost secretive ceremony they hadn't gone for a priest. They just sort of stood by her coffin. There were many things that Kraken had wanted to say. But he didn't want to say them in front of any of his siblings. He hated most of them right now, more so then he always had. The only sibling he'd been able to stand was very soon to be six feet under.

Somehow everything had been simpler when they were children. They had been delusional, but everything had seemed black and white. Even when .05 had run away during the Eifel tower incident things had seemed differently. Hargreeves was the task master and you were given ice cream when you did something right. You were punished severely when you did something wrong.

Then they had gotten older and things had gotten worse. Or perhaps their eyes just opened to problems that had been there all along. Vanya had gone off to college and that had raised an interesting question. Were they allowed to go too? No? Well why not? They were special? What did that mean exactly?

Spaceboy had been accepting while Kraken had rebelled against this idea. To him it meant that they were virtually Hargreeve's prisoners. He had always disliked his 'father' but then he had begun to hate him. When he lost Vanya he had started to get angrier faster and easier. How he had, and still, loathed Hargreeves and the life and loneliness that he had imposed on them.

Now it had culminated in this. They were burying one of their own. She hadn't died fighting or in an accident like the Horror had. No, she had decided to take her own life. She had decided to end it herself. The world seemed different now. Anger welled up inside him at the turn that events had taken.

As if some sort of silent signal had been given .05 started the mechanism to lower the coffin into the ground. He turned away from the sight. A few of his siblings looked at him briefly but turned back to the coffin. When he had first come out there he had determined to see her to the end. But he couldn't now. Kraken wasn't about to let the others see that he was crying.

A small clicking noise alerted him that something was wrong. Looking up he could make out a figure in the background. How had he gotten in there? Surely someone had locked up the compound. Vaguely he wondered what to do about it. But then he saw the camera the man was holding.

In that moment that man could've been an FBI agent for all he cared. It was like the bank all over again, only this time he was completely aware of what he was doing. Not only that, but he wanted to do it. It took only seconds to reach the man. He had hurriedly started to put his camera away but Kraken's fist had already collided with his jaw.

The man screamed as the bone broke. What Kraken wouldn't give to have his knife with him then. Paying the man's screams no attention Kraken kicked him hard in the stomach. He went down and Kraken kicked him again and again. Blood spurted upwards in a sheer arc but he could still see the man moving.

There were other shouts now but he wasn't paying them attention. He knelt down so that he was level with the photographer. With the precision of a doctor he started breaking the man's fingers, one at a time. When he ran out of them he started on every single bone of his hands. He was looking for something else to break when his siblings reached him.

Rumor was there first. She shouldn't have come; he lashed out and hit her so hard that she was flung backwards. He'd sent her careening towards a tree. The impact probably would've killed her if Spaceboy hadn't caught her. Such a shame.

Kraken turned back to the man. He got up and gave him a quick once over. In the end he decided on his leg and started kicking again before he felt Séance and Spaceboy's arms over his. They were holding him back, pulling him away. He screamed incoherently at them.

Clutching her stomach Rumor walked unsteadily over to the man and took out her cell phone. How dare they call an ambulance for that? His screams increased and he struggled angrily against his brother's restraining grasp. Finally Spaceboy had to use his spare hand to knock him out.


	6. Chapter 6: House of Wolves

_And I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down,  
I wanna hear you sing the praise,  
I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down,  
We got innocence for days!_

Inspector Lupo sighed as he went through the formal complaint. It was two weeks after the funeral of the Hargreeves girl and the media was crawling all over the situation like ants. Someone had leaked that she had died of suicide, probably a funeral parlor worker. Some reporters were even suggesting euthanasia. But they were denied information. That was making them very mad.

The photographer that had snuck into the cemetery was not a very lucky man. Now he was in the hospital with broken a jaw, leg, and six ribs. Not to mention that every single bone in his hands had been crushed. But that was the least of the man's worries. He'd nearly died in the hospital from a punctured lung.

Now the photographer's family wanted the police to arrest The Kraken. Of course the charge would be debatable. The photographer had invaded the privacy of The Kraken's favorite sister's funeral. He took a long draught of his cigarette. Let them take it to court if that was what they wanted. They'd be laughed out.

He opened the door to his office to find a small boy standing in there. Even though it was just a child the Inspector still took his gun out. He didn't put it away when he realized it was .05.

"Good evening," said .05.

"I hadn't noticed," Lupo said dryly.

"I'm here on the behalf of my family," .05 continued as though Lupo hadn't said anything at all, "It is wished to give the man who trespassed on our grounds enough money to pay his medical expenses."

"Generous," said Lupo suspiciously.

"Hardly," replied .05, "Spaceboy wishes him to stop talking. While he certainly didn't belong there the punishment was not in proportion to the crime."

"Is this the view of your whole family?"

.05 frowned.

"It was thought unwise to discuss this with The Kraken. He's been very…" .05 searched for the right word, "volatile lately."

"I suppose he's not in the best condition," said Lupo, sitting down in his chair.

"That's a favorable term for it," .05 said, "But also completely wrong."

"When do you think he'll go back on patrol? A normal patrol I mean. The last time he did we ended up cleaning brains off the walls."

.05 paused for a second.

"It's funny you should ask that."

"Funny as in humorous or not at all," Lupo asked, taking the cigarette from his mouth.

"The latter," answered .05, "Spaceboy asked him that same question this morning."

"How'd that go?"

.05 thought back briefly to that morning.

.

.

.

"Get out!"

Spaceboy went flying through the wall. Séance and Rumor looked inquisitively up from the TV as Kraken stalked up to Spaceboy. After a moment Séance turned around with his gin and started to watch the two of them instead of the TV. Rumor however cautiously made her way up from her seat and headed towards the door.

"It's true!" spat Spaceboy as he clambered to his feet, "You've got to stop this."

"Don't you play leader with me!" Kraken snarled, "I haven't forgotten when you just decided to vegetize in front of the tube, completely giving up on everything. Or is that okay because it was you doing it?"

"I'm not saying that that was right!" Spaceboy shouted.

"It sounds an awful lot like you were! Why can't you just go back to your stupid little world and leave me alone!?"

"Because drinking until you can't remember your name isn't going to bring Vanya back!"

"Are we talking about **my** liquor?" asked an indignant Séance.

Ignoring him Kraken said;

"I know it isn't! But it sure as hell is better then having to get up and look at you and Rumor every morning. So just go away and leave me the hell alone. You do your thing and I'll do mine!"

"Is that it? Always the rebel, aren't you?" Spaceboy snapped.

"Better then the lapdog!"

"Why do you even care so much about her death?"

"Shut up."

"It's not like you tried to help her when she was paralyzed," Spaceboy pushed on, "And do you know what? It might not have occurred to you, but she didn't think of you before she swallowed all that medication. And then again, even if she could remember you, why would she? We all know that she didn't love you!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

Kraken withdrew the knife from its sheath and made a lunge. Spaceboy dodged quickly but not before it cut into his arm. Blood splattered through the air and stained the floor. Séance looked in shock at the carpet.

"That's enough!" .05 said, coming into the room.

Rumor slunk in behind him. She could obviously smell trouble when it was coming. Kraken glared at her coldly. Despite .05's warning his grip tightened on his knife. Spaceboy didn't unclench his fists or back down either.

"I said that's enough," repeated .05.

Both of them looked irritably at .05. But they had both seen what he could do, what he was capable of. And now he looked at the two of them through narrowed eyes. Kraken reluctantly put his knife away but said to Spaceboy;

"Don't ever come into my room again," before leaving.

"Or what? Why don't you just kill me and make our family an even number again!?"

To .05's surprise Kraken didn't rise to the bait. He just kept walking to his room and slammed the door. Spaceboy caught the look that Rumor was giving him.

"Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you should side with him!" he said angrily.

Rumor scribbled on her notepad;

"I'm not."

"Then what's with the look!?"

"You shouldn't have brought up Vanya," wrote Rumor.

"That's his whole excuse for acting this way!" he snapped, "He can't possibly still care about her after she rejected him like she did!"

Shaking her head Rumor wrote;

"Out of all people, we should know that just because someone rejects you it doesn't mean that you stop loving them."

Falling silent Spaceboy looked away. Séance peered over the couch at the now blood-stained carpet.

"I really liked that you know."

.

.

.

"Not well," said .05 as he shook his head slowly, "Not well at all. And in answer to your question, I don't think that he'll be out soon. All he really does right now is hole himself up in his room. And while he's like this, I don't think that anyone wants him to interact with others."

"Hmmmmm," Lupo murmured thoughtfully. His eyes flickered briefly to a locked compartment in his desk before fixing them on .05 again.

"Now as I said earlier…" started .05.


	7. Chapter 7: The Ghost of You

_And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me  
Never coming home  
Never coming home_

The Séance had considered doing his at night, but when the day had dawned so dark, he had decided to hell with it. To be perfectly frank the weather that day was dismal. Mist rolled in and there was a slight drizzle of rain. That didn't bother Séance though, he liked his atmosphere murky. To hell with sunny days, give him a nice cloudy sky and damp. Preferably there would be a tornado warning as well..

But even if the day had dawned bright and sunny then it wouldn't have deterred him. Once again he was the man with the mission. After the incident the other day he had been thinking. And he had decided last night that he was going to have to do this. So Ojai board in hand Séance stalked over to Vanya's grave.

To be perfectly frank he'd had enough of this. Kraken and he had gotten along fine, but they weren't close. That wasn't the reason he was doing this though. Kraken's condition worried him slightly. When Spaceboy had been depressed he'd become a couch potato. That was fine. Séance loved both couches and potatoes.

But like always Kraken was a whole different story. He'd kill himself if he continued on like this and ruin the next carpet too. And that was the bottom line. He would give his right arm to save a carpet. So he was going to go have a little chat with his dearly departed sister. Hopefully no one would hit him with a baseball bat this time.

He set up the candles and put his hands on the board. Well, one of them anyway. The other was placed on a bottle of whisky. He'd brought it out to settle his stomach. It wasn't exactly feeling in tip-top condition.

"So here's the deal," he said, "You thought you'd leave because it would make things better. It's actually just made Rumor and Spaceboy feel guilty. .05 still thinks that you're an idiot though. That hasn't changed if you're curious.

Anyway, Kraken is seriously screwed up. Coming from me you know that's something. I want to tell him something, anything from you that'll stop him from wiping the floors with people for the fun of it. Not to mention the fact that he's getting into my gin. So spill."

There was no response. Séance felt a wave of irritation. At least all of the others had had the decency to just decline to a conversation. Well, with the exception of Hargreeves. 'Dad' had just told him to bugger off. That was probably because he had been pestering him about getting his allowance back though.

"Come on."

Still nothing happened.

"Pretty pretty please with sugar on top?"

After about an hour he gave up and moved the ceremony to Pogo's grave.

"Things are still the same," he said shortly, "But Vanya won't talk to me. Go find her will you? Is she having too much fun being dead to talk or what?"

Silence filled the graveyard, permeated only by rather ominous rumblings from Séance's stomach.

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Séance.

He cocked his head to the side for a few moments before shaking it from side to side.

"Oh dear," he said, "I always did wonder why he was so upset when she left. Rather cruel of her."

He listened for another few minutes and took a long drag of whiskey. He promptly spit it out.

"You have got to be kidding me!"

Silence was the only apparent response.

"Oh, right. I forgot that you don't kid. Interesting. Should I tell him or should you?"

There were a few more minutes before Séance straightened up, indignant.

"I don't botch **everything **up. And as for my current state I'll have you know that I've been sober and drug free for two minutes! And that's a record."

He paused for a second and instinctively took a swig from his bottle. Séance stared at it for a minute before saying;

"Make that two seconds. But alright, I see what you mean. Just don't get him angry. I'm feeling rather delicate today."

And with that comment Séance promptly threw up all over Pogo's grave.

.

.

.

All alone in his room Kraken took another drink of his brother's liquor. It was foul stuff, hardly fit for human consumption. But it did something for him. It took the edge off the pain even though he knew that it would come roaring back in a few hours. There was no way to make it all go away, none whatsoever.

He'd never been prepared to go through his life without Vanya. She'd been something to care about and love when he was younger. Then when he was older she'd been something to hate and resent. But behind that smokescreen of anger there had always been the love. Even when he'd yelled at her at the amusement park part of him had wanted to sweep her into an embrace.

When he'd held the knife at her throat at the Icarus Theater it was a bluff. From the beginning he'd known that he couldn't do it. He'd just wanted her to stop before someone like Spaceboy came and took matters into their own hands. Spaceboy wouldn't have hesitated to shoot first and ask questions later. The bluff had been his best bet to end things before they started. But just like him on that terrible summer day, she'd seen right through him.

During his visits to her after she'd lost her memory he had admitted to himself, if not to her, how he still felt. He'd known it since Séance 'channeled' Hargreeves. Those visits had been, like she said, when she was sleeping. He'd gone out of his way to avoid having to talk to her effectively becoming a coward again.

The only time he'd ever had to guts to tell her how he'd felt it had been met with rejection. But it didn't change that he loved her. And now she was gone because she thought that it would be better for everyone. He wanted her back. He'd even take the psycho version of her that tried to destroy the city. It was better than being without.

Not only had depression descended on him like a dark cloud but the almost-relationships he'd been building with his siblings deteriorated rapidly. He found it difficult to even look Rumor in the eye now. Hatred welled up inside him every time he saw her. Vanya had taken her voice and in return Rumor had found a million little ways to make her suffer. But he should've done something. There had to have been something he could've done.

The door to his room creaked open. Why weren't there any locks in this place?

"Get the fuck away Monkey-boy!" he yelled, throwing a bottle at the intruder.

The intruder managed to duck just in time. His build and height alerted him that it most certainly was not Spaceboy. It was Séance, although that didn't make it any better. A guttural growl started in his throat.

"The same goes for you Séance."

"It's Pogo," Pogo said through Séance's body, "And I do take offense at the last comment. Séance managed to channel me and warn me about your current condiotion. But I see that at least you've kept your room clean."

Kraken flicked his eyes around all the empty glass bottles and accumulated garbage. He wasn't in the mood for Pogo's sarcasm.

"What do you want?" snapped Kraken.

"Several things," shrugged Pogo as he unearthed a seat and sat down, "But I suppose the first is for you to leave this room. You're neglecting your responsibilities and doing them poorly when you choose to."

"I don't care anymore."

"You used to," Pogo observed, "You used to care a great deal."

"Not anymore! So just go back to your little patch of land. Or swap places with me. I'd be more than happy to do that."

Pogo paused.

"She didn't leave because she wanted to."

"What?" Kraken said, his head snapping up.

"Of course she wanted to," Pogo corrected himself, "All of you children wanted to leave the house at one time or another. I hadn't planned on telling this story. It's not mine to tell really, and to be perfectly frank it's none of my business.

I expected her to tell it herself after your father's death. But seeing how things have turned out…perhaps…anyway I'm telling it now. What I meant to say was that she didn't leave because of her own free will. Nor was what she told you true. She was forced to do what she did."

Now Pogo had Kraken's attention.

"Explain."


	8. Chapter 8: I don't love you

_When you go  
Would you have the guts to say  
"I don't love you  
Like I loved you, yesterday"?_

Eight years earlier…

"Do take a seat," Hargreeves said.

"Is this about my violin again?" Vanya asked uncertainly as she did what was asked.

Summer break was over and Vanya was about to return to college. Both of her suitcases were with her and she clutched her violin case to her like a shield. She had been called up on rather short notice. The presence of Hargreeves obviously made her nervous. But Pogo was there too, taking notes in a corner. He gave her a reassuring smile before picking up his pen. After Hargreeve's talk he would be taking her back to school.

"No," said Hargreeves shortly, "It may have come to your attention that .02 is striking out on his own more and more often."

"Diego?"

"Like I said, .02," repeated Hargreeves, looking irritated, "Now he's talking about running away."

"Look, you should be talking to him about this," Vanya said uncomfortably.

"Don't interrupt," he said icily, "But I can understand your confusion. You never were terribly clever. After I've talked to .01 it appears that he's got somewhere in mind to run away to. Or rather, to whom."

Vanya shifted her eyes over to Pogo, who looked just as surprised as she was.

"He never said a word-" started Vanya.

"What did I say about interrupting?" Hargreeves said, "I'm not here to interrogate you. I never suspected he would."

"Then why am I here?"

"I won't mince words. You're got to tell him that you don't care about him and wish he'd stop hanging around you. Say something to the effect of hating everything about this place. That won't be a particularly difficult lie to tell I should think."

Pogo dropped the pen he was holding. Vanya gave out a short laugh before she examined her 'father's' face.

"You're serious," she said in shock.

"As always."

"But…you can't just…" Vanya sputtered.

"You'll find that I can. But don't worry, you won't have to come back here if you do," he said, "You won't be missed. I can afford to let you go. After all, there's nothing special about you. .02 however, is a different story."

"Maybe someone should look at your head," she said, getting up, "Because you've got to be crazy if you think that I'll do that."

Pogo said nothing but followed Vanya as she headed for the door.

".07-"

"Vanya."

"Excuse me?"

"My name is Vanya!" she snapped as she whipped around to face him, "And no I won't hurt him! Not for you, not for anyone!"

"I can make you."

"No!" she snapped angrily, "No you can't. I'm leaving now. And if he does come to me, then so be it. Maybe we can finally be free of this damned place!"

Turning around Vanya headed for the door again. Just as her hand was on the doorknob Hargreeves asked casually;

"Do you remember what happened when .03 wanted to run off with the Polynesian knife thrower?"

Vanya stopped in mid-step.

"I just want you to know that in comparison to that your punishments that was just a time-out. Do you remember the hotel? Dr. Terminal and the rest are probably getting rather lonely in there. I could always throw .02 in there if he runs off. I have no need for a superhero who won't listen to me.

As for you, you can probably stay in college and mull over what happened to .02 for the rest of your alarmingly pitiful existence. And don't think that the two of you can run away either. There's not an outlet in this world that I don't have a hand in."

Pogo looked up at Vanya. Tears were spilling down her cheeks.

"Why me?" she whispered.

"Because," Hargreeves said frankly, "That boy is in love with you. A blind man could see it. He'll listen to you."

Vanya's face contorted and she managed to choke out the words;

"No. I won't hurt him."

"Fine," said Hargreeves calmly, "I'll book the Hotel."

Still crying Vanya's head moved forward until it touched the wood of the door. Pogo moved forward and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Shall I take that as a yes?" asked Hargreeves.

Pulling her head up she said with deep emotion laced into every syllable;

"I hate you."

"And I don't care. Now enjoy your term and don't forget our little chat."

Flinging the door open Vanya took off running down the hall. Pogo paused for a second before saying;

"Sir, don't you think that-"

"I don't listen to a few rungs down the evolutionary ladder. Now do go and drive .07 away."

Shaking his head Pogo ran after her. She had wiped her eyes and slowed her pace slightly, but her eyes were looking around the corridors nervously. When they heard footsteps approaching she suddenly went rigid and changed her expression. Spaceboy looked at her with a touch of disapproval.

"Glad to go back to school?" he asked.

"Couldn't be happier," she said with a dead tone in her voice.

Turning his head he caught a quick glimpse of her tear-stained face. Vanya turned away before he could take a second look though. He looked at her a little strangely before saying;

"Have fun then," and moving on.

Vanya started walking slightly quicker after that.

"Please don't let me see him," she repeated over and over like a prayer.

The same thought was chanted in Pogo's mind as the two of them went out into the driveway. When her bags were loaded Vanya let out a sigh of relief. It was proved to be premature as a voice called;

"Vanya!"

She froze and bit her lip. It was obvious that Vanya didn't want to face him. Pogo reached up and gave her hand a squeeze. Slowly she turned around.

"Hey Diego," she said listlessly.

Kraken looked slightly put off by her response. Nonetheless he said;

"You didn't say goodbye. Anyone would think you were in some sort of a hurry."

Out of the corner of her eye she looked up. Pogo followed her gaze and could make out Hargreeves standing in the window, watching. A few windows down Pogo could see Spaceboy watching as well. Obviously her behavior had told him that something was wrong. Slowly Vanya placed one of her hands behind her back.

"I am," she said softly.

"So am I if I have my way," Kraken said, "Dear old 'Dad' is being an ass again. I can't stand it her much longer. I'm going to bust out of this place soon. You said you didn't like college so maybe we could… I don't know…go to Canada or something. There's no 'superheroes' there. I hear Ontario's great this time of year-"

"Diego," Vanya interrupted, "I want to straighten things out before you make a complete idiot of yourself. Hargreeves said that I didn't have to come back. He's just given me what I've always wanted. And now that I have it, I'm not going to jeopardize it for anything."

From where he was Pogo could see that Vanya was clenching the hand behind her back into a tight fist. Kraken gave a half smile before he said;

"Neither do I. But I was saying that-"

"I don't think you understood me," she said, clenching her fist tighter, "I don't want to be near the Umbrella Academy, I don't want to hear about it, and most of all I, and I mean most of all, I don't want to be within two hundred miles of anyone or anything that's ever been involved with it."

There was silence. For a minute Kraken struggled with his words before saying;

"Vanya…I know that you hate it here. I just…I just always thought that we-"

"That we what?" she snapped angrily. From where Pogo was he could see Spaceboy raise his eyebrows as he looked down at the scene. He always had had terrific hearing. And while it was difficult to tell it appeared that Hargreeves nodded slightly in approval.

"That we were friends?" Vanya continued, nearly shouting, "Family? What did you think '.02'? No one in this stupid academy is family or anything like it!"

"Listen to me for a minute!" he said, raising his voice, "I love you. Not like a sister, and not like a friend. I love you! So just please…"

His voice trailed off and Pogo saw Vanya draw blood from her hand.

"I did tell you to stop before you made an idiot of yourself. You need to start listening," she said before opening the door to the car and getting in.

Pogo quickly went to the other side of the car and got in as well.

"Drive," he said.

As the car moved out of the driveway they heard an anguished cry of;

"Vanya!"

Turning away from the window Vanya clutched her face with her hands and started to sob. Pogo put an arm around her shoulders as her tears flowed uncontrollably down her face.

"What have I done?" she sobbed, her words barely cohesible.

"You've saved him. That's what you've done," whispered Pogo.

But nothing he could say could stop her tears or comfort her in the least.


	9. Chapter 9: Demolition Lovers

Present day…

Kraken stared at the wall as Pogo concluded his story.

"I always thought that she hated me. Then she wrote that book…"

Pogo looked at him oddly.

"Did you ever read it?"

"No," he said, surprised, "It hurt too much by that point."

Sighing in frustration Pogo got up.

"I did read that book. And whenever I did it always brought me to that day. For awhile I wondered why she even bothered. Perhaps she thought she could get some sort of petty revenge against Hargreeves when she wrote it.

Maybe she was also trying to tell you something. Because you never read it I'll never know. Originally the incident was written in there, but Hargreeves manipulated events so that it was erased. She should've known that he would have her book edited. Many things were taken out, such as a full description of Ben's death.

_Extra-Ordinary_ was highly structured. There was a chapter on each of you as well as certain events. I can remember passages word for word. Would you like to hear how she started your chapter?"

Without waiting for a response Pogo quoted;

"Diego's independence has always put him at odds with Father and the other siblings. I admire it, though, and while we've drifted apart, he's the only one I can really say I love as a brother."

Kraken sunk his head into his hands.

"Do you want to know what the first thing I said to her was when I saw her again? I asked her what the hell she thought that she was doing there. Then I told her to go away and that I didn't have a sister. At the time I didn't understand the complete devastation on her face. But now I know. She did so much for me and all I did…I really hurt her."

Nodding Pogo replied;

"Yes. But you can still make things right."

"How?!" Kraken thundered, pushing himself up from his chair, "Ask Séance to tell her I'm sorry? Well it won't work. She'll still be gone!"

Pogo calmly waited for Kraken to calm down. When he stopped shouting Pogo simply said;

"Do you trust Inspector Lupo?"

The question surprised Kraken

"Sort of," he said cautiously.

"I thought as much. If I were you I'd ask him where Vanya Hargreeves is."

"I already know. She's buried sixty feet from 'Dad'. Vanya probably wouldn't want to be anywhere near him but it was either that or we would've had to unearth the tree. She liked that tree."

"I don't think you actually do know where she is though," said Pogo calmly.

"What, you think that I'm some sort of idiot? You think that I don't know where we buried her?" asked Kraken irritably.

"I'm sure think you do. But I'm pretty sure she's not where you think."

"Oh, and I'm sure that you know where she really is, don't you?" he snapped.

"No, I can't tell you Vanya's whereabouts," Pogo replied, "But I can tell you one place that I know for sure that she's not."

"And that is?"

"The afterlife. She's not there Diego. I should know."

.

.

.

Inspector Lupo walked to his office. It was late at night, and he rubbed his temples. At least the business about the photographer was sorted out. Most of the officers had gone home for the night, leaving the station quiet. He would've gone home to if there weren't paperwork he had to fill out. Turning the knob he walked inside and turned on the lights.

Or at least he should've. They wouldn't turn on. He flipped them a few more times absently. Then he took his revolver out of his pocket. Working as a police officer in this town had taught him a thing or two. One of them was that the circuit breakers never just blew. So you always had to be ready.

But nothing prepared him for being picked up by his coat lapels and slammed down on to his desk. The revolver was knocked out of his hand and fell uselessly to the floor.

"Where's Vanya?" Kraken growled.

"Kraken?" Lupo said, trying to make him out in the dim light, "What the hell are you doing?"

"What the fuck did you do?" snarled Kraken, "Where is she?"

"I have no idea what you're-"

"I'm going to say this one more time. After that," at this point Kraken unsheathed his knife, "You're going to be as mute as my sister. Now, where is she?"

Lupo said nothing. But Kraken caught the quick, underhanded shift of his eyes. It lasted for only a second, but Kraken followed his gaze to a compartment in Lupo's desk. Still holding on to Lupo he splintered the wood of the desk. In the compartment there was only a single file. Kraken picked it up and laid it on the desk.

Opening it he saw a couple sheets of paper. He'd seen enough of them in his day to know that this was a profile. Kraken glared at Lupo before starting to read through it briefly. For awhile the only sound in the office was Lupo's breathing and the rustling of pages.

There was a social security number and a few other things. It listed two parents, Sarah and Robert Carroll, as well as an age and a date of birth. The name of the person on file was Viola Carroll. He read that Viola she had been born an albino. To the side there was a picture. While her ivory hair was past her shoulders and her eyes were pink, it was unmistakenably Vanya.

Kraken slammed Lupo into the wall.

"Explain!"

It took Lupo a minute to collect his jumbled thoughts. Kraken always did have a nasty habit of hitting people in the head. At first Lupo considered lying but quickly realized that that would probably result in more pain.

"Before you do anything," he managed, "It wasn't my idea. It was hers."

Despite the request Kraken still slammed his head into the wall again.

"She wanted to get out!" he said, feeling dizzy, "So she took some of those pills that Hargreeves made that imitate the symptoms of death. Apparently she climbed out of her own coffin later."

"And she came to you," Kraken said flatly.

"Yeah. She asked met to do one of those witness protection things and ship her somewhere far away."

"And you did it?"

Before Lupo could answer Kraken flung him from the wall and slammed his head onto the desk.

"Stop doing that!"

"Why did you do it?!"

Cocking his still throbbing head Lupo said simply;

"Why are you so concerned? It didn't seem like anyone would miss her. She said so herself."

"Tell me!"

Looking as though he was worried about getting his head slammed into hardwood again he snapped;

"Do you think I want the White Violin in my city anymore? After what she did? Face the facts, she's a time bomb waiting to go off!"

Kraken didn't say anything. Instead he leaned down so that Lupo could clearly see the crazed look in his eye.

"Where is she now?"

"She wanted to be left alone-" Lupo started to say.

"**WHERE IS SHE!?**


	10. Chapter 10: Cubicles

_**A/N: **__There's only going to be one more chapter after this, though I am starting a one-shot and a sequal._

_So I'll spend my time with strangers  
A condition and it's terminal  
In this water-cooler romance  
And it's coming to a close_

"See you in hell…"

"Tell me why I shouldn't slit your throat."…

"Put down the violin…"

"I heard a rumor…"

"Mind your blind side-!"…

"SPACE--!"…

"- -We're all going to die anyway!"…

"No actually, it's Father."…

"I SAID DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!"…

"…even more stubborn as a corpse."…

"You ruined the concert…but even a failed performance…comes to…the finale…"…

Vanya woke with a start. Visions of blood and violence danced in her head, the result of her latest retrieved memory. She got up quickly and threw up in the bathroom. She wondered vaguely about her intolerance to the sight, or even the memory, of blood. It was probably a pittance to what she had done. The least she could do was be sick every time she remembered something.

As she had been told her memories were slowly coming back to her, even if she couldn't remember several years of her life. Many of her college years were still lost to her. But almost all of her childhood and recent memories had come back with a vengeance. It seemed like she could only remember all of her really bad memories. Wiping away a few tears she started to get ready for the day.

Ontario Canada was completely void of most people who cared about what the Umbrella Academy was doing. She hadn't regretted asking Lupo to set her up there. As she had once been told, there were no superheroes. And he'd been right about another thing too; the weather was nice at this time of year.

She'd managed to get a job as a librarian. It wasn't a great job for her, but it was solitary enough. With memories coming back to her like they were, and not all of her motor skills returned, she needed a fairly easy job. Every day though things got better. She tripped less and was able to maneuver herself better.

Vanya put on a pleated violet skirt and a light blue blouse. As she brushed her hair out she looked into the mirror. At first she had used some special drugs to make her hair grow longer, make her less noticeable. Now it was growing on its own. Every day she looked less and less like the girl she used to be. But that was a good thing. The last thing she needed was for someone to recognize her.

However, it was difficult to conceal the violin string tattoos that ran from her neck down. When the winter came she'd try turtlenecks. Right now it was too hot for that. So it took her at least an hour to apply the make-up which concealed them. A mixture of foundation and powder usually did the trick.

Vanya left her small apartment and locked the door behind her. The library was a grand total of twenty minutes away by bus and forty by foot. Since she didn't have much money she had neither a car or bus fare. So she walked. That was fine. The clear air always made her feel better.

After a few minutes it felt like someone's eyes were on her back. She threw a cursory glance over her shoulder. Only a mother with her three children was behind her. One of them was staring ahead and sucking her thumb. It wasn't with the studying look of an adult, simply the mindless stare of a child. Vanya sighed in relief. Recent events had made her paranoid. She shook her head at her own foolishness before continuing her journey.

As usual she was early to her work. She hadn't really gelled with her co-workers. That was fine with her. Maybe when she was more together she would start living a life. But right now she didn't feel like much social interaction. Vanya never really had. Before anyone had a chance to say anything to her she grabbed a stack of books for shelving.

Moving around the large library she slotted one book after another into its correct place. Once again she had the feeling of eyes on her. At first she ignored it. For the first few days after she came here she had done the exact same thing. Just like all the other times she knew feeling would go away soon enough.

But it persisted. Increasingly uncomfortable Vanya shelved another book. Taking a deep breath she turned and looked behind her. No one was there. Just to be safe she looked at the ceiling again. Spending your life with a family of superheroes didn't let her rule out any possibilities. In fact she looked every direction imaginable before she finally relaxed. Another false alarm.

During her lunch break the same thing happened. Then around three o'clock it happened again. It persisted on her walk home. She could even feel eyes on her when she ate her dinner at a random fast-food place. A block from her apartment the feeling stopped. Perhaps she needed some pills. No, she didn't need any more pills. It was only the memory that had shaken her. That was all it was.

Vanya unlocked the door to her apartment and turned on the light. But it wouldn't turn on. Flipping it a few more times she felt fear rise in her. Then she took a deep breath and calmed herself. The circuit had blown, that was all. It happened quite often in her cheap apartment.

Since the living room operated on a different circuit she decided to go in there. She'd talk to the landlord about it in the morning. Stumbling across the room she managed to find the wall in the living room. Stretching out her arms she fumbled in the dark for the light switch. After she flipped it on she turned around, and immediately regretted doing so.

Before she could so much as scream Kraken had pinned her against the wall and placed a hand across her mouth.

"We need to talk," he said grimly.


	11. Chapter 11: My way home is through you

_Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms_

"If you promise not to scream," he said slowly, "Then I'll take away my hand. Alright?"

Vanya nodded, knowing that she didn't have any other choice. She had seen Kraken punch through a man's rib cage once. And right now he had the look of someone who was ready for a fight, for a struggle. She knew that she couldn't get away. Kraken had always been a lot stronger then her. As if testing her he started to slowly remove his hand. But he held firmly onto her wrists and kept her pinned to the wall.

"I shouldn't have trusted Lupo," she muttered. Why couldn't she stop shaking?

"It was under protest that he told me," Kraken said, "But you'll have to thank Séance and Pogo for me going to him in the first place."

Her tremors increased. Dammnit!

"You don't need to be scared," he said almost softly, the look in his eye all but gone. "But why?"

"What?" she stuttered.

"Why did you leave?!" he said, raising his voice a little.

The question surprised Vanya. That was one of the last things she'd expected to hear. Her surprise must've shown on her face because his furious look returned and Kraken hissed;

"While you were playing house," he looked disdainfully around her apartment, "We thought that you were dead! We wouldn't have stopped you leaving if that was what you wanted. Why couldn't you have at least told me? Why Vanya, **WHY**?!"

"I…I…you…you shouldn't," stammered Vanya, "Just…I can't take this…please just leave-"

"DON'T YOU PULL THAT SHIT ON ME!" Kraken shouted.

Vanya flinched away from Kraken's yell. She closed her eyes tightly from his angry onslaught.

"Now tell me right now why you did it," he growled.

As much as she wanted to defend herself Vanya couldn't manage to force a reply from her trembling lips. Why was she crying?

"Do you know what they said when I told them?!" continued Kraken furiously, "They were surprised. You went through all that trouble so that no one would come after you. All that trouble just so that we would never have to see you again. Do you know what that feels like, to know that someone hates you so much that they don't want to see your face anymore?!"

"Yes!" she cried out, finally managing to say something. She turned her head back and opened her eyes, finding courage to speak. "And you should know. You were the one who made me feel like that!"

Kraken looked away.

"You said that the only thing I could help you with was getting you killed," she said, "After everything…that was all you had to say to me."

Neither of them said anything. Finally Kraken whispered;

"I still thought you hated me. But I never really wanted you to leave. I was angry, but I didn't mean what I said. I never wanted you dead."

"I…I…I…" she stammered, "I thought that…nobody wanted me alive…it was better this way. It wasn't because I hated you or any of my siblings. Even with my memories back I don't really hate them. How could I after everything I'd done to them? It's better that way. While I was just Vanya all I ever did was hurt people. Viola can be something different. Maybe she can be something worthwhile. This way, no one dies but I'm gone. Just forget that you saw me."

"No."

"Please."

"NO!"

"How come you keep acting like I mean something?" she said, tears still flowing freely, "After everything that I've done to all of you, my own family!"

"We all know that they'd done something to you, changed you somehow. It wasn't your fault," Kraken said.

"Allison doesn't think so."

"Allison? You're worried about Allison's opinion?" Kraken said in disbelief, "Christ. You really must've lost your memories. But even she'll come 'round eventually. As for everyone else, why do you think that Monkey-man and the rest let you live, let you back into the house? Because they knew it wasn't your fault!"

"I still did all of it!" Vanya said desperately, "No matter what I feel now I still did it all. How can you just act as though nothing happened? I threw you through a wall for God's sake! You'll realize that it's better like this when you really think about it."

"Don't start this again," he said, his voice dangerous.

"What about what I said to you eight years ago?"

"Pogo told me the truth."

"But I still did it!"

"No one can blame you for that!" he said through gritted teeth, "Hargreeves was a bastard. None of these things are your fault!"

"That's not true!" Vanya said, "I still did them. There was a death toll of over 72,000 people!"

"You were fucking brainwashed!"

"Either way what does it matter?" she asked, "It's better if I stay away. Nobody wants me there, nobody cares about what happens to me! And why should they? It's-"

Vanya's words were cut off as Kraken pressed his lips to hers. It was gentle but firm. Her eyes widened in surprise and she froze. After a moment he pulled away. All of the fight was gone from his eyes and his grip around her wrists loosened. He bowed his head for a moment, as though he couldn't look her in the eye.

"Listen to me," he whispered, "I care what happens to you. I care very much. I love you. Not like a friend, and definitely not like a sister."

She took a sharp intake of breath. Her limbs wouldn't move. It was like they weren't under her control any more.

"I love you," he repeated, his voice growing strong and courage infusing into it. Kraken looked up and into her eyes, "No matter how angry I was at you I never stopped loving you. I know you don't feel the same way. But it doesn't matter. If you ever want to come home, I'll be waiting."

Releasing her hands he started to walk towards the door. Vanya couldn't move when she said slowly, desperately seeking the right words;

"The two of us grew up wanting the love of a father who would never even like us. As you said he never cared if we lived or died as long as it fit in with his plans."

She paused for a minute, once again trying to find the right words.

"While I was paralyzed I had a lot of time to think. Not all of my memories were there but the ones that were there made me wonder about what we went through. When we were kids we never really considered running away. I mean, not even you made it further then the city limits. Perhaps I'm the only one who ever ran away from home, coming out here like this and…and writing that book.

But nobody really ran away. And do you know why? It's because deep down we all know that whether we like it or not, the Umbrella academy is our home. Not the building, but everyone in it. Even when we wanted to kill them all we were still closer to them than any other person.

Thing is we didn't really understand that when we were children. The two of us always wanted to be loved by someone. Oddly enough you found me."

Kraken stopped when she started speaking but didn't turn around.

"Vanya," Kraken said, "You're not some sort of substitute for the fact that Hargreeves never cared. You never were."

"I never said I was. Just please let me finish," she begged, "At first when we started out that was the sort of thing that I wanted, I just wanted a brother who would care."

Biting her lip Vanya waited tensely for Kraken to say something.

"I understand," he said curtly, starting to move again, "Goodbye Vanya."

Suddenly her limbs unfroze and she hurried up to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. Surprised, he turned around.

"No. You don't understand," she said, moving her hand from his shoulder to his face, "That's how it started. But soon, I realized that I didn't mind if the others hated me as long as you cared. When I first figured that out I was seventeen. Soon I realized that I didn't want you to be a friend or brother. I wanted you to be something different.

You don't understand how much it hurt that day not to tell you what I felt. I wanted to tell you everything. You were saying what I wanted you to say right there in front of me. But I couldn't. So here it is. I love you, more than anyone else. That's the only true thing I said while I was the White Violin."

Even though her tremors hadn't stopped she felt oddly at peace. Slowly, like a man trying to perform a dance he'd only ever heard of before, he looped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. His other hand cradled her head and he leaned down, brushing her lips slowly. Once more it seemed like he was more uncertain then anything else.

His five o'clock shadow scratched her face and she could still feel her uncomfortable contacts. Kraken was at least a half foot taller then her and she had to stand on her tip-toes to reach his lips. The event she'd hoped for for a long time was happening and it wasn't like she'd imagined it. Surprisingly she found that she didn't care.

Quickly Vanya threw both of her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Vanya could hear his slight exclamation of astonishment and his grip loosened slightly. Part of her felt like she was moving too fast. But she had already waited over a decade for this. She wasn't willing to drag her feet anymore.

After his initial shock she felt him respond and hold her tighter. She could feel his warmth she was that close. Even if she doubted that she could get out from his grasp. It wasn't like she wanted to anyway. Not ever. Unsurprisingly the light kiss turned passionate quickly.

Several minutes passed. Eventually she felt a burning sensation in her throat. Sighing she started to move away. Kraken released her almost immediately and pulled away, looking at her.

"Some of us do need to breath," she half gasped.

A dry chuckle escaped Kraken's throat. He placed both of his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace, much gentler then the first one.

"I've got the televator ready," he whispered into her ear, "Let's go home Vanya."


End file.
